They are mostly people who haven't used the site before and maybe they don't really understand how it works, and may only just have discovered how to add a photo?. It is a bit frustrating but its better than the people who never respond at all after they've been given lots of good help so you don't even know whether they read the replies..Now that can be a bit irritating. Maybe its because people are so used to finding info on google, where there's nobody to thank...Not worth stressing about though? Folks will be folks.
Some of our members will put a note on the second question saying "answered above" or something similar - a good idea.

I know which question you're referring to Rosierose, and if I hadn't been in a hurry and had taken a second more, I would have added a phrase which said 'as suggested by Rosierose previously', for I knew you had, indeed, come up with it on the first question, which didn't have a photograph. As it was, I was more intent on trying not to offend Derek - he's usually very hot on ID, so disagreeing with his ID is not easily done, and I wouldn't offend him for the world, given he's one of the most well informed and very pleasant contributors on here.

Now, given tact is not my strong point, the huge effort required to try to be tactful with Derek meant my tact store had been exhausted, and I was in a hurry cos the phone was ringing, so I didn;t then add the phrase which would have mollified you.

The other aspect of your protest is that people don't bother to check out stuff on the internet, preferring instead to rely on responses on here. And on that, there are two points to make - 1, yes, it would be immediately obvious to me to google straight away, and apparently, obvious to you. But, 2, everyone is different and you cannot expect they will all do, say or think what you believe to be the right thing, because they don't, and nor should they, because they're not you or me.

If you give your time and energy to answering questions, its best to do so for the sheer pleasure of spreading knowledge, or for the crack, or for the communication with other people - expectation of reward or acknowledgement leads to disappointment, so if you could learn to drop that expectation, you'd probably enjoy it more. In my experience, that's a lesson for life, evidenced by the fact that there's a notice on my fridge, writ large - Lord Spare Me from the need for Appreciation, Approval and Approbation; I can't remember where I found that expression. but I was so struck by it, I stuck it on the fridge years ago, and its still there... the satisfaction from answering questions, or (giving out information as far as I'm concerned) is its own reward - acknowledgement or thanks is very nice, and often welcome, but its best if its not essential, I find.

It can be exasperating - over the years, I might have posted an accurate answer on a thread with several answers, some of which were more chatty than anything, or even contained inaccurate information - my information is ignored totally, and the person decides to do whatever they decide, often choosing the inaccurate answer over mine - but that's their choice, all I can do is put the info out there, thus proving the truth of the saying, you can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink... And the exasperation I might feel is mine, not theirs, I'm experiencing a negative emotion, they're not, so its a pointless exercise choosing to suffer that, best to forget it and move on...

Bless your heart Bamboo, are you calming down at long last.LOL..

Ha ha, Lincslass, no, not really - the fire's still there, but the principle I outline in the answer above is something I adopted years ago and manage to stick to most of the time - not always, depends on the circumstances, but in this, its a useful rule to live by, saves all that angst... must be working, I don't have high blood pressure... Probably partly because, if I am furious about something, I send you a PM, lol! Negative stuff is better out than in, so Rosie, its good you put it out there... specially as I'm partially the cause.

Lol, we can't have you changing, wouldn't know where you're coming from, glad you're ok though and have to agree its better out than in,I can see what Rosie means though, it wouldn't hurt for folk to acknowledge an answer when they have received it, must admit I do stop and think before erupting these days, took many years to realise I was usually upsetting myself more than others at the end of the day...

I'm pretty sure Rosie is referring to me in my Autumn colour post. I did google it before posting here but couldn't come up with a definitive answer. I had totally overlooked - by that I mean not seen - the previous answers when I read Bamboo's so thanked her.

I apologise wholeheartedly to ANYBODY I might have upset.

I 've read through them and cannot see how you have upset her, I know many questions do not receive any kind of acknowledgement but you did, just not individually, many questions have gone on over the years and never ever get any sort of response, I thought that is what Rosie was referring to, it comes with the territory..

I think some people just as Stera says, just don't think. An example is my next door neighbours. They are a nice enough young couple but I don't get really any thank you from them. The other side of them, the owner of the land is trying to turn it into a haulage yard. My neighbours understandably are upset by this and trying to stop it. One evening in the summer, after having a chat over the fence with them hubby came in and told me about how many bats he saw
Flying around and we suddenly thought that they were coming from this land and this could be a way to stop this haulage yard due to bat conservation. Anyway I found all the information out and contact details and emailed them to her. I never got a reply but they used the information in their objections. As I said she is a nice lady but we all would have said thank you.

Hmm, that did deserve an acknowledgement Jen, but in some cases, I really think it reflects someone's poor social skills rather than any intent to offend, and that might be why your neighbour didn't respond. My son's girlfriend is like that, finds social contact quite difficult and seems unable to say thank you to a stranger or someone she doesn't know well... I'm hoping she'll grow out of it!

My mother always said 'A thank you doesn't cost you anything but gains you a lot' :-).

LOL this has been a good blog to read. Jen my mother always said 'Pointing a finger at someone means you point three back at yourself.' I like reading the questions and putting in my tuppence worth but I am not always on to see if my advice is appreciated or not. At the moment I am frustrated by not knowing how to download my photos so that I can use them. I do not have much time and am slowly exploring what my computer does. I have learned lots with advice from many members but technology tends to move faster than my ageing brain. I'm not giving up though as I hear that using my brain will keep me young?????.

I like your mother's wisdom, Scotsgran. As for using the brain to stay young, well, I'm always using mine whether I want to or not but......!

Lol. I'm lucky, my daughter works with us so if I get stuck she will alway sort me out :-).

Scotsgran - I like your mother's bit of wisdom, she's absolutely right, people in glasshouses and all that, none of us is perfect after all.

I know the glasshouse one but never heard the one about pointing fingers, I do like that one, I know all about the hazards of technology and people like us S'gran, I'm a stubborn beggar though and do try to sort myself and my arguments with my laptop first before asking for help, get into a right ole tiswas sometimes though and end up having to backtrack a lot, lol..
Been having problems loading photo's for a couple of weeks now, strangely not on goy though, so think I've messed up my settings somewhere along the line, or its AOL trying to get me to upgrade, only started happening since they started sending me little notifications when I first turn on, coincidence or me being cynical....

Hi not a lot gets my back up but when some one comes on and ask Name this plant etc no thank you kiss my jacksie or nothing now that does. please and thank you costs nothing so i just ignore it.rant over.

I think I should stick your fridge notice on mine, Bamboo: it's a good thought. I'm usually pretty relaxed, but I do like to be THANKED - especially when I've spent rather a lot on flowers for daughter-in-law's birthday etc. Ok, I'll chill, and just be grateful that she's a lovely girl really!

Going back to the thread - I tend to think new members are simply still learning how to use the site, and I sympathise as I'm a techno-prat myself.

One of the things I learned as well, as a basic rule, don't do something at all if you think you're gonna be annoyed or upset when you don't get credit or thanks for it - I've been in that place too many times years ago,, you make a huge effort, and zilch, its taken for granted. Anyone who's had kids probably knows how that feels as the 'children' become adults! Learning to say no, or not do something, if you realise you expect some sort of reward for whatever it is essential... either that or do it anyway,not expecting anything, but just because its what you want to do.

Oh, its bloomin' exhausting, life...

Hi Bamboo, thank you for your comments, but I would not be offended, just because you had a different id of something, I respect your knowledge immensely, and very much appreciate your comments, after all no-one is infallible, and you or anyone else has a right to disagree with me, and I certainly wouldn't be offended if they didn't agree, as they say, ask 6 gardeners a question, and you'll get 6 different answers, {some right, some not, lol}, Derek.

Do what you will without hope for reward nor out of fear of punishment?....not many people live like that. Many of the new members have an interest in plants but don't know a thing about them other than one part goes in the ground and the other part sticks out of the ground so they haven't the faintest idea of how to search for the answer themselves on the web and I think that's why they gravitate to this site to get their information. In any case they will learn more from GOY and perhaps that might give them enthusiasm to find more on their own. A thank you would be a nice courtesy though these days I don't expect it.

Thanks Derek - the photo with that question wasn't entirely clear, so even the ID suggested isn't 100%... and Loosestrife, your description in your first sentence - yes, that's exactly what I try to do, though its not always possible it has to be said...always with the caveat of living by basic christian principles and the law as a guide, I hasten to add, in case you might think I go round killing and stealing if I feel like it, lol! I am rather wondering what you mean by 'punishment' though...

I read this article some time ago and liked it so after this little controversy thought I'd share it. Hope it's comforting. A bit of a long reference link so maybe cut and paste to your browser.

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/worry-and-panic/201505/petal-power-why-is-gardening-so-good-our-mental-health

Thanks Taurman - I found out 35 years ago how good gardening was for lifting one's mood, if I hadn't had a garden back then, I'd have gone nuts... what infuriates me is that most older people's accommodation has no individual space outdoors, not even balconies (here in London anyway) so unless you own your own place, once you go into sheltered accommodation, its rare to find any with somewhere you can garden, or even sit outdoors - I know why, its because we're less physically capable, but for happiness and mental health, being able to get outdoors daily where plants grow and even just do a bit of deadheading is invaluable and essential. Equally, no pets is a rule, which means the two things that are proven to assist with general health, mood and brain health as we age, older people are not allowed to have. It never made sense to me when my mother had to go into sheltered, and it makes even less sense now I'm nearly there myself...

I feel very strongly about your last point too, Bamboo. My mother had adored her garden, and fresh air(!) and the lack of both when she had to be in a Home drove us both nuts. Luckily things may be changing gradually - certainly our two very elderly aunts enjoy their tiny outdoor space (in sheltered housing) and it means they can feed the birds too; hope they realise how lucky they are . . .

Bambo I mean that one can " stay on the Right Side of life" for two reasons, first, for fear of being punished if one doesn't....the old biblical " Fire and Brimstone" doctrine. Second, the old biblical " The Gates of Heaven Will Open" belief if one does good and refrains from bad deeds and thoughts. The purest person would be one who does good and thinks good for no reason at all and is not ...Pushed...to do so by any dogma. This idea or theme I found imbedded in many of Leo Tolstoy's writings.

I so agree about outdoor access in sheltered accommodation, even if there isn't the possibility of growing things yourself. We mistakenly booked my Dad into such a place for support while we had a week's holiday ad he was wretchedly unhappy to find he was locked in. Not something I ever thought to check up on - seems inhuman to me.
And then are they given vit.D tablets to make up for the lack of sunshine? I doubt it.

Loosestrife - I've sent you a PM.

It is depressing to think I'll end up living somewhere without being able to easily be outside, and its the reason I stay living here, up three flights of stairs, which I confess I can't always negotiate when my back's bad, and its bloomin difficult to carry shopping up too, but I have a fantastic view of fields and trees and a southfacing balcony with plants... and a garage to store my garden tools so I can still do the odd bit of gardening for other people - when I can walk and bend;-)) This ageing lark is no fun at all...

This weeks A for Effort award: BAMBOO....

I totally agree with everyone about sheltered housing. I'd go mad if I didn't have some green space to tend and watch plants grow or feed the birds. I agree, too, about pets though I do understand that could be more problematical. I still miss my lovely dog after a year but at least I'm still in my own home with a garden. Some of the poor elderly folks have a sudden cut off - new place to live (if you call it that), no garden space and definitely no pets. I'm going to lay down rules before I go doolally so that my family know what I want.

I do wish we had a Like button. I'd click on Stera's above.

The last few years of my mother in laws life, she had dementia so had to go into a sercure nursing home but they would allow me to take Ben my german shepherd (the bigger lighter one in my picture) in to see her so once a week he would come with me and all the other residents looked forward to us, well him really and would save up their biscuits to feed him. They also had 2 cats that lived there and a PAT dog going in once a week. I read a report just before I gave up nursing (was a dementia nurse) all about the benefits of providing gardening activities for patients. The NHS unit I worked at was a assessment unit but it had a courtyard in the middle with raised beds, shed and greenhouse and occupational therapists would do groups tending the garden. In all the cuts, just after I left, the unit was closed and sold off for houses to be built on the land.

Oh how depressing, but sadly predictable - any kind of rehab or assistance programme which is started and which works is inevitably cut over time, often from a change of government and always in the name of money...

What really upset me was Southlands unit was a purpose built unit and only just short of 20 years old and they moved it to a NHS continual care nursing home reducing beds for both!!!! Southlands was then knocked down and houses built. A lot of my friends who where really good nurses left after me due to the drop in care level. I had left coz I had met hubby and moved away so we are talking about 12 years ago. As you say Bamboo, it was down to money, my Trust had merged with another in dept.

Is " sheltered housing" in the UK what we call "independent living facilities " in the USA in that the residents are still able to care for themselves? Nursing Homes, which are very cost intensive, would be for those who need assistance part or full time and I assume you would use the same term in the UK. Just curious since this is a phrase which I do not recollect having heard before. Incidentally I have taken in a certified therapy dog and she goes by the name of Tilley. She is an emotional support dog for those who are in nursing homes. I took her because she needed surgery for removal of a large tumor which her origional could not afford. The surgery was performed last week and am waiting for the pathology report. She is a living doll and is so sweet and so brave.

One of the difficult things about being old and having a good memory is being able to remember how many times this sort of thing has happened; no wonder older people have a reputation for being skeptical or even cynical, it gets very tiring watching governments and the human race generally repeat the same mistakes time after time. There's very much the feeling of been there, done that, got the teeshirt, teeshirt's now a duster, such that governments in particular frequently live down to my so called 'cynical' expectations.... I don't call it cynical, I think its simply realistic, but there you go

Loosestrife you're right. Sheltered housing can be a collection of individual bungalows or apartments in larger buildings. Facilities vary a lot but most will have a warden. Some have a communal dining room and sitting room for those who want to use them, and sometimes will have various activities on site. Its is sad to see that some of the services are being reduced for cost cutting as Jen says.
All elderly people are entitled to use the Meals on Wheels service (but having seen some I would put it off as long as possible...)

Too right, Steragram - I used to order Oakhouse meals and have them delivered weekly for my mum, so the carers could heat them in the microwave for her. She'd lost her marbles, so she thought it was the sheltered housing providing the food, but she said several times that the food was delicious - she probably ate better in the last few years of her life than she'd ever eaten before! Course, it helps if you know what food the person likes, which I did....

As for wardens, the on site ones have largely disappeared or are disappearing, they've been replaced with visiting wardens instead, unfortunately...

Thanks Stera

Loosestrife, we have Care in your home, where you stay in your house and a carer comes in a set amount of times each day. My mother in law 1st had this as she had a fall, then she went to a residential home due to having a stroke that ment she needed more care. These are maned by carers, not nurses and are when you don't need full time nursing care. Then as she became more confused and needed nursing so she was transferred to a nursing home with qualified nursing and carers as the staff. My father moved into sheltered home where he had a flat, the warden checked on him once a day but he could come and go at will. There was pull cords in everyroom just in case of an emergency.

Lovely that you have taken in Tilley. I hope the results are good. When I said about a PAT dog, the PAT is Patient Assistance Therapy. My Ben isn't one but the nursing home and the residential home allowed me to take him in if I proved he was well behaved and kepted him on his lead.

bamboo, I totally agree, you are promised different things each time but end up just being words!! My brother works in the care industry in London for a Charity and I have lost count of Budget cuts and the amount of times he has been worried that losing his job over the years.

I think we all should count our blessings !
Marjorie

If you have not heard of them it might please you all to know that a grandson of an elderly couple this week put a petition on line in the hope of putting pressure on their local authority to allow them to live in the same residential home. They faced separation after 73 years of marriage. He was so disgusted at the treatment they were receiving that he hoped to raise awareness and 200 signatures in support of justice for them. By lunchtime it had 20,000 signatures. The local authority agreed they could be allowed to stay together and said the delay of several weeks was due to the time taken to properly assess their individual needs. I am sure many of us could site similar stories and maybe we should all question treatment we can expect in our later years. My uncle emigrated to Australia in 1918. He returned to Scotland on holiday in the 1980's. He was appalled to find the uncle of one of his carers, in the Salvation Army home where he lived, had nothing like the loving respectful care in Aberdeen that he himself received in Australia. The girl had asked if he could try and locate the uncle giving him the last known address for the chap. We tracked him down to the address and after I phoned and explained why we were getting in touch with him he was pleased to have my uncle visit him in his own home. He was cared for by home helps going in once a day to give him his lunch. He was in his eighties like my uncle and was grateful for the care given but hesitated to ask the carer to post letters or do personal shopping for him. My aunt was too sick and frail for my uncle to look after in their own home so she was admitted to the home first. he was unhappy on his own so he was invited to stay there too. He kept his own home going and returned there when she died. He was visited by the staff and invited to return to the home when they found that he did not like living on his own. He was vey contented and was given excellent care until he too died. Would that we could all be assured of such a happy outcome.

Sorry Rosierose your question has veered off the theme but I have noticed lots of questions seem to be being repeated. I wonder if this is because it takes so long to upload questions that it is being uploaded twice because the person doubts the first attempt.