The trouble with waiting for them to fall off is that they get bruised. Apples should be picked when they can be easily plucked from the stem. I take it you told him that!

Absolutely!. In fact they are better picked a little under ripe if you are going to store them at all. Many apples actually carry on ripening in store and are at their best after a month or so.

Tell him your apple tree is a special variety which means you can pick and eat 'em whenever you like, cos they'll always be tasty! Some people just won't be told - I had a client a couple of years back who kept asking me to prune the lilac. There wasn't a lilac in the garden, turns out she thought her Cornus davidii was a lilac, but she refused to accept it wasn't, even when I showed her pictures of an actual lilac. I've no idea why she thought it was a lilac, but there was no way she was going to change ... and the same is true of your neighbour. Wasn't there a comedian who used to do sketches portraying a character who was always dishing out bad advice in an insistent fashion, can't remember who it was now...

Bamboo, I bet you're thinking of Harry Enfield and his 'You Don't Wanna Do It Like That' character. He used to enter a room with a cheery 'Only Me' ... always found him very funny!

Thanks very much, they taste just perfect right now and since I'm going to end up with at least 150, they're coming off tomorrow. Except for a few small ones.
And I remember the comedian too.

Oh yea,that's it, Harry Enfield, lord, how irritating that character was...

he was so embarrassing to watch as he was the spit of my father in law. he used to say 'only me' and was convinced that Harry Enfield must have met him. he couldn't see the irony in the character. he had a heart of gold but he couldn't help giving advice even down to how I should nurse my daughters! Even my OH found that advice rather too much for me to take :o)

as for picking fruit. I was told that they were ripe when if you gently cupped the fruit, lifted and turned it if ripe it will come off the branch. but waiting for them to fall ends up with bruises.

Funny thing that -remember Alf Garnet in Til Death Us Do Part? My father in law was really racist, and he found Alf Garnet funny and life affirming, because he thought everything he said was serious, never seeing himself caricatured on screen....

Lol Bamboo that's really funny - but sad too.

Trouble is, Til Death was meant to show racists what they looked like - but it backfired ... I've had another father in law since then who was the complete opposite, I'm happy to say!