I have a tall dark stemmed one called Calliope that doesn't seem to spread [wish it did].
the smaller ones like Barbados/Bermuda seem to be better behaved and are dwarf varieties.

Never found that problem with any of the Aster amellus types.

Me neither. I generally thin out the bed in spring & give them a trim mid-summer so they don't get all floppy. Otherwise, I never give them a thought until the blooms fade and they need to be cut back. I have the New England Asters: Purple Dome & Alma Potchke, two faves of mine. I'm sure you'll like them too.

I have owned my large walled garden for 44 years. Like you SS I have had Asters cover any area they can take over. I let it grow where few plants can survive. My main flower bed is an area I don’t want it to take over. I am constantly pulling it up. Three years ago I bought Aster monch which is tall with a large, beautiful blue head. It has remained compact. I have ordered Aster novae-angliae Barr’s Pink. It is also tall with a beautiful pink head.
My faith in Asters has been renewed.
Good luck.

I have a small flowered pink one which I cadged from my brother who was reluctant to split his 2 year old plant. Well! in my garden it has galloped all through the border and although I pulled out a lot of it last winter and spring it is still rampaging! It does make wonderfully dainty clouds of pink which are smothered in bees and other pollinators but I will certainly have to take drastic action when it is over or there will be nothing else growing in the garden!