Not about gardening but a true story

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I wrote this about 2 years ago when at my previous house, it happened around this time of year, its a hot April morning like last weekend, picture the scene…

Walking up the driveway to our house there is a farmer’s field on the left hand side, the field is separated from our drive firstly by an old wrought iron fence (about thigh height) and secondly by a poor attempt of a barbed wire fence (one strand, same
height) at the moment the farmer has 20 sheep with their lambs in the field so has also added an electric fence.

The farmer feeds the sheep late morning each day by walking up our drive, even sheep have enough intelligence to know the approximate time, but not enough to recognise the farmer so if I walk passed in the morning I whistle like the farmer and all the sheep franticly run from all over the field to be fed (I know it’s a bit mean but it is amusing to watch).

This morning I think the sheep got their amusement from me, I went to get over the fences, the first fence no problem, immediately all the sheep were on their feet running as fast as their fluffy little legs could carry them towards me.

The second fence of baggy barbed wire proved more difficult I lent on the nearest fence post and raised my foot to step over, the wobbly fence post moved a bit which caused the wire to tighten slightly and instead of stepping over, the barbed wire went between the sole of my sandaled foot and my toes, one barb proceed to stick in the ball of my foot the other lodged itself in the sole of my shoe, at this point gravity came into play and I fell forward. I had to stop myself causing serious damage to my foot by putting my hands into the field this added to my distress as the area was liberally sprinkled with stingy nettles, by now all the sheep were there, crowding around inches from my head baaing loudly and trying to eat my hair (possibly a market there for novelty sheep food).

I must have looked like I was making a half hearted attempt to be the wheel barrow in a wheel barrow race, as I contemplated how I was going to get out of this position and whether my foot hurt more than my hands, or was I going to be stuck for hours to be found (munched bald by marauding sheep) by a neighbour. I thought my position couldn’t really get much worse, until the first jolt from the electric fence zapped my chest (right across the nipples of course), my arms were just not long enough to get me off the electric fence and I knew I couldn’t take my time deciding how to get free (I was trapped long enough to find out that the electric fence zapped me every five seconds!), needless to say I finally freed my foot (not too much
blood) and escaped with little physical damage but mentally scarred for life.

I expect it was the tension of the moment or the blood pumping through my head from being upside down for too long but I’m sure the sheep’s baaing that was ringing in my ears sounded like laughter.

It was definitely one of those, ’You’ve been framed’
moments but without the video!!

• 15 Apr, 2011
• 4 likes

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