Lawn Care
By bulbaholic
8 comments
God On Lawn Care
GOD:
Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of
songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colours by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.
St. FRANCIS:
It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They
started calling your flowers ‘weeds’ and went to great lengths to kill
them and replace them with grass.
GOD:
Grass? But, it’s so boring. It’s not colourful. It doesn’t attract
butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It’s
sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that
grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it
green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any
other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD:
The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really
fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut
it-sometimes twice a week.
GOD:
They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS:
Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD:
They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS:
No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD:
Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow.
And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.
GOD:
These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on
the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves
them a lot of work
ST. FRANCIS:
You aren’t going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing
so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they
can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD:
What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a
sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves
in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the
autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep
moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It’s a natural
cycle of life.
ST. FRANCIS:
You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle.
As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay
to have them hauled away.
GOD:
No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the
winter to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST FRANCIS:
After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which
they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of
the leaves.
And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS:
They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD:
Enough! I don’t want to think about this any more. St. Catherine,
you’re in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us
tonight?
ST. CATHERINE:
‘Dumb and Dumber’, Lord. It’s a story about….
GOD:
Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
15 Apr, 2011
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Comments
thats brilliant and so true when you read it like that we're daft us gardeners!! lol
15 Apr, 2011
Tell god to look at Glos way he will see lots,lots, lots and lots of dandelion 15 acres pure yellow now
15 Apr, 2011
My lawn realy needs cutting now after the warm and damp weather that we have been having lately but there are some lovely " flowering weeds" in it. I will leave them for the time being and just let them die down...then I will cut it. I saw bees and other insects going round them today...and we need the bees and other insects don´t we, and as far as I´m concerned there is not such a thing as a "common weed" they all have their part in nature...btw all my neighbours are mowing their lawns at the moment...but I love my "weed patch" at the moment.
15 Apr, 2011
LOl BulbaholicI could not stop laughing. I have been out in the garden for most of the day. I am potting up my hanging baskets. I take a short cut across the lawn so I can look at all the lovely wild primroses and blue and white violets that have suddenly appeared. There are lots of big fat bumble bees around but I have yet to see any great numbers of other types of bee or even wasps. They are usually the first ones in the garden. I was just thinking we do not really need a lawn except for the times when the children come and want to play croquet but the wild flowers will not be a deterrent to that.
15 Apr, 2011
Brilliant! But it makes you wonder what we are all doing to our planet? Perhaps we shouldn't have been given enquiring minds? I hope I'm helping to some small extent - I don't have a lawn and the trees that are cut to keep us warm in winter have reached their sell-by date, then the resulting wood ash is put back into the garden. A small step, but a good one. :o)
16 Apr, 2011
Have the majority enquiring minds Nariz? or are they sheep which follow the latest trend. I do like to see a nice lawn but I am not disciplined enough to want to use my energy producing one for myself. A lady who opened our flower show, told the story of the gardener who worked very hard to make his garden productive and pleasant to look at. A passerby said "isn't God wonderful, giving us this abundant delight" "the gardener looked at her and said, " yes He is, but you should have seen this patch before He got me in to help Him."
16 Apr, 2011
lol! :oD
16 Apr, 2011
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oh so true BA. very sad in a way .
15 Apr, 2011