Is this an artichoke or a cordoon?

Then I would hazard a guess that you have a Cardoon. They both belong to the same species, but one is a sub species of the other. Can't remember which way round though.

The cardoon is used mainly as a forced veg by putting a rhubarb forcer over the crown in spring to draw up succulent, blanched young growth that is eaten.

You can eat cardoons just like globe artichokes if you cut the heads before they open as flowers. They are a bit fiddly as they don't have a proper 'heart' or 'fond d'artichaut' like the real artichokes. But cardoons make massive plants much bigger than artichokes so I wonder if you have some kind of thistle? If it's the flower buds which are 'tiny', try thinning them out so there's only one or two on a plant.
Blanching the leaves by tying cardboard and paper around the growing leaves in spring isn't worth the effort in my view, as it tastes like a very poor celery.

Im had a feeling I'm been mis-sold actually. Im starting to think its some sort of decorative thistle

The genus Scolymus (Cardoon and Globe Artichoke) are in the thistle section/tribe of the Daisy family so you would not be wrong!

I think you have a cardoon suffering from anorexia!