A wander around my mum's old garden...

Aw Fluff that bought tears to my eyes so sad.Just like my mum and dads garden which they loved. sadly my brother who lives in their house is no gardener.

Loved the catoneaster lovely colour.

Aww...what a lovely blog Fluff :)
It is still a lovely garden....and full of character, and happy memories too I expect.
I love the old sundial, covered in moss, and the pink lady...and the cauldron of course :))

A sad story Fluff.......it looks like The Secret Garden....lovely.....that cotoneaster is a a beauty.

It's a shame when you see something beautiful like your garden die,What a wonder Gravel and Bark can be if you have time to plan,

Thanks everyone...it is a shame but the garden is huge & will just have to bide it's time I'm afraid. I'm sure it will get back to it's former glory one day. At the moment it doesn't upset Mum as she rarely sees it.

Its time will come again Fluff just think how all the wildlife would feel if their homes dissapeared.

That's very true Mavis...as the garden is undisturbed it must be a wildlife haven!

Don't think any of us really 'own' our gardens Fluff. We just happen to be the person that is there at the time doing our own thing. Mama Nature is the owner and if it all gets a bit 'out of order' as you get older, well, as you say ...... what a wonderful haven for wildlife ! She does things her way ! xxx

You know, there's 'something' about a garden that was once someones treasure and that's now unkempt, it still has a 'feel' about it and this is one of those gardens Fluff.
Lovely blog :-)

You're so right Sue...when the gardener cleared everything back earlier in the year all sorts of plants & shrubs popped up which had been buried for ages! Good old Ma N!T hey'll just wait there until someone lets the light in again.

Thanks Louise...it does still have a certain aura....a bit like walking round a derelict mansion & feeling the memories of what went on there.

I just 'felt' that last sentence Fluff. I'm there with you ,,,,,like the mate that I am ... on Goy ! xxxxx

Good on ya Brum...xxx

secret garden is nothing in comparison. even in its unkepmt state there is a rare beauty in it. I love the old planters. truely lovely.

Hello Seaburn...good to hear from you...thank you ...the old ones are lovely...I'm hoping they get passed down to me...I'm the only 'gardener' in the family....and I use the word loosely!

why not ask if you could relocate them to your home and plant them up. and then when your mum comes to visit she may be delighted to see them in their former glory.

Loosely ....... NAH !! xx

What a lovely blog Fluff , I love all the old planters and the wild state, there's a secret beauty to it , I would like to walk in a garden like this and serch for hidden treasures peeping through at different times of the year ....
It's a haven for wildlife they would sorely miss it if it was cleared .....

I think that's true, Amy. Fluff - when my dear Mum couldn't even tend her beloved containers any longer, I used to replant them for her, and 'park' them right outside her window so she could see them. It gave her a lot of pleasure - does that idea help?

Thanks Amy...there's even my Grandad's gravestone lurking in the undergrowth somewhere! Mum had a joint one made when my Grandma died & so his original one came to live in her garden!

Yes Spritz...I tried to replant the camelia but it wasn't having it & curled up it's toes & also the blueberry bush but that went all 'leggy' & disappeared so now we just concentrate on feeding the birds...lots of Lidls' bird chains for her to watch them feeding. That gives her more pleasure than anything.
I did plant up pansies, violas & primrosey things for her in the summer which lasted for a long time.

Such a wonderful journey down memory lane...thanks for sharing something so personal

=^..^=

That was nice. I remember doing a similar blog on my own mum's garden last year.
It's sad to see the old places so run down, but if you look you can still find something of interest in there.

There's so much beauty in this garden. Sometimes I reckon we're programmed to see neat and tidy and colourful and young and vibrant as the be-all-and-end all, but there is still much grace and loveliness to be found in the old and decaying. That's what I say to myself every morning, when I look in the mirror!
This garden is a treasure, Fluff, and I bet the birds and beasties love it too.
xxx

Having inherited such a garden and similar problems when I look in the mirror can only agree with that Bscott ..

A fine balance between keeping manageable yet not losing the inherant beauty that has developed over the years .Can you imagine the wildlife that must enjoy this undisturbed ..must be such a haven to them.

You are all quite right...because the garden holds so many good memories of when I was young & then my own children playing there I can still see the beauty of what once was there. My Mum & Dad didn't keep the garden regimentally tidy...it is a cottage garden after all...& all the trees & shrubs that are now far too big & have outgrown their space were planted by them & are in photos of us on the lawn or patio.
I can't move the stone planters Seaburn as my Dad cemented them to the ground for safety when my kids were toddlers ( I lived next door then)!

Sadly now my mother's not interested in the outside much or anything really except what I'm cooking her for dinner or what the weather's doing...but she does like indoor flowers so I always make sure she has a vaseful or a pot plant or 2 to enjoy.
Thank you all for your comments...Bscott & BB you make me laugh about looking in the mirror!!xx

That was a lovely glimpse of a garden that still has its treasures.

Thank you Denise.

loved your blog sad to see your mums garden, and thinking that could be alot of us in a few years time , thats an idea to puts some of her plants in pots near her window so she can see them.

Thanks Carol...yes she does have some planted up in the summer but she doesn't go out now or even look out. Next Spring I'll re-do them & in the meanwhile she has lots of pot plants indoors to enjoy.

What a lovely, if bittersweet, blog, Fluff!

Cheers MP...answered your pm!

Got it, & answered you! :~))

Oh Fluff ,its good that you can still see the charm in your parents garden.....

You never forget Linclass...no matter how overgrown it gets!

Strange to think that all our well tended gardens would be unrecognisable within a year, if left alone - we don't make much impression really, do we? My mum's 84 and completely lost her marbles, is demented, so is incapable of even remembering her garden, never mind enjoy it. All things must pass, I guess.

That's sad Bamboo...when my elder brother died last year...her first born & her rock...she went into a depression that I thought would never pass. She refused any medication & sat staring into space,not eating or reading or even watching TV....that's on the days she got out of bed.

I took over everything she needed to stay in her home....cooking,cleaning,shopping etc etc, as you do...but combined with the loss of my Dad,sister & Michael years before she just wanted to give up.
It wasn't until this summer with a lot of cajoling & showing her that we were all just as sad but that we had to carry on with jobs, children etc...life in fact...that she started to get a little better every day.
Now, she will be full of interest in something one day & back to window staring the next...but at least the good days are happening occasionally.
We were talking of dementia when she was at her worst but thankfully that is not the case at the moment.I don't think she thinks much about her garden now but who knows? Next Spring it might be a different story.

Yea, she might be interested again - what you're describing sounds like terrible grief, to me, rather than dementia of any kind. Life can be such a b.....r, it ain't easy, is it.

Yes we thought that Bamboo... it was because she started forgetting things at the same time & using the 'phone to change channels on the TV & answered the remote when the 'phone rang...things like that...dementia was immediately mentioned but you're right...I think it was pure sadness that changed the way she thought.
I know exactly how that feels but I'm young enough to cope & handle it ...up to a point...whereas Mum has a negative character as I call it which meant it brought her right down.
Yes...life eh?

Well a degree of forgetfulness and confusion is normal in older people, not to mention grieving folk - if I tell you that my mother insisted yesterday she'd been out to London Zoo with her parents and had ice cream, despite the fact she's currently in hospital cos she seems to have lost the use of her legs, (quite suddenly) and is bedridden, that'll give you an idea of what they're like when it happens.

Exactly...my Mum is not that confused...my Dad had dementia...in fact he died in the local 'mental hospital' as it was called then...he said the same sort of things as your Mum is saying now. He thought I was trying to poison him when I gave him any tablets & threw hot coffee at me. Isn't it sad?

It's dreadful, no doubt about that.

As Louise said there's something about an 'unkempt' neglected garden, full of memories. The time will come when all of us won't be able to maintain our gardens that we've worked so hard at. Years ago families would live together more and there would be young blood to do the heavy work. If I find one day that I can't look after mine I'll sell up, couldn't bear to see it neglected. Your blog made me think Fluff. My cottage is listed and hundreds of years old and because of that it will probably be around for many years when I'm gone so I'm only a custodian really. It's funny how predictable we all are, when we're young we create big borders crammed with perennials then as we get older we make them smaller even raised. In such an ordered society it's strange that so many young people lay around idle and there's often nobody to maintain the gardens of those who can't do it any more.

had to visit a place after the owner had died.
all the garden and orchard had not been touched for at least 20 years and inside there was a track in the carpet from the door to the kitchen table and the seat by the tv and the bedroom.
it appeared when the mans wife had died many years before he had just given up
the thing that i remember the most was a set of coronation (from 1953) memorabilia on top of the tv and they had not been dusted or touched for a great many years as the dust had almost covered them so that they were almost unrecognizable
the house had everything, as was, from when it was built in 1947 even to the wooden wash tubs and an old mangle with the rubber rollers fused together and never used.
so sad that this gent had just existed for so many years

That's heartbreaking! What a way to end up!

When I was working I came across many such people. It was as though society had forgotten them. Your Mom is very lucky indeed to have you to still look after her Fluff xxx

That's true! Fluff, will you adopt me please? Lol!

And me !!!!! lol

Hmmm..you haven't sampled my cooking yet girls...don't be too hasty LOL!!!

The other day I had to hurry home for guests arriving so I quickly knocked up fish fingers, chips & peas with tartare sauce...something she usually loves as a treat as I always do her fresh veg,meat & potatoes every day...& she said 'Oh...so I'm being fed out of packets now am I?'

I said 'Well, I can organise Meals On Wheels if you don't like what I give you' & we had a laugh about it. I get quite upset if she criticises my cooking or complains that it's too much or too little...how silly of me...she doesn't mean anything by it. I guess I'm just over-worked!

Heron ...that's a lovely thought ...that you are just a custodian of your cottage & it's garden...& it is a shame that so many young people have absolutely no interest in gardening.

Piersdad...you often see programmes on TV about old folk like you describe...just existing after a loved one has died....my Mum has some old things like the mangle dotted around her place...she is a dreadful hoarder & would end up the same if I hadn't had a clear out a few months ago.

She is very thankful for myself & my brother as she fears the Social Services would put her in a home if we weren't here. That must be very scary.

Oh Fluff, I feel for you, I really do....

I looked after my Mum for 6 years, with dementia. Whatever I "cooked" was never right....she would sleep in the day time and stay awake most of the night....she emptied all her tablets out of their bottles and packets, and mixed them up in her shopping bag....tore up £10 notes into little pieces....tried to disconnect the electricity supply....wet the bed, and the chairs....and blamed the cat!! Generally, led me a right dance....

BUT she loved her garden, so on "bad days" we would walk outside and look at the overgrown garden, and sit and just talk....she loved the birds, and all her flowers (and weeds...) and would tell me about gardens she had known in the past ("When all the lupins were blue..."). I hung plastic "twirly things" from the trees (they apparently stimulate part of the brain, and she loved to watch them...)
and placed bird feeders and a bird table close to the window. We talked about anything and everything....over and over again, because she would forget and repeat...
I promised I'd never see her go into a social services home....and I kept my promise :) It was a difficult time....but one I would have back tomorrow, if I could...

Some of that sounds familiar Di! I've hidden tablets & dole them out myself every night for her as she began to take too many thinking she'd missed some.
One day she was still asleep in bed when I got there after work & had been all day...she couldn't believe the whole day had gone by.
We are just keeping a close eye on her at the moment without worrying her but the time will come when she needs someone there during the day.
Between us we can keep her home...even if she ends up festooned in cobwebs! She laughs at that...like Morticia in the Adams Family!

I do feel for you Fluff. I looked after my parents' garden after their health and energy failed. They had both been so keen for all their married lives. Dad died in 1996 aged 91.

8 years ago we sold up the the two properties and my mother came to live here in this long bungalow. She loved to sit in the garden and to walk around with her little "tri-cycle".

Life wasnt always easy and as she aged, there were different signs of confusion if not dementia. I can relate to a lot of what everyone has said in response to your blog..

2 years ago Mum was taken ill and now is in a nursing home with a fairly poor quality of life although relatively painfree. She does not get out of bed. She was 102 last April.

I take flowers and plants in and she appreciates the, but they dont last long in that heat.

102! I can never decide whether that's a curse or a blessing, reaching that sort of age. Having watched my dad die of heart failure caused by emphysema, and now watching my mother in her fearful confusion, I think I'd rather shuffle off earlier of heart failure...

Thank you for this blog Fluff. It is so sad when our parents age and become dependent. Your Mum's garden still has an air of beauty about it. I think comparing it to the Secret Garden is very apt.

Thank you Rachelsmum, Bamboo & Gilli...old age is a lottery...you can have wealth, family, gardens & pets but your health is everything.

Ain't that the truth bab xx

I was going to say I felt like grabing my tools, but as I read on I got to thinking my famaly deserted me thirty years ago after a bad devorce (all my fault ) my two daughters were brain washed and have stuck to there mother, and I never hear from them,I am 77 next month and I am fit and get on with all my nabours, I have betten cancer and up to a couple months I gave a frend a hande in his gurage eight till late but it got a bit much being on my own the cooking cleaning ect' I have learned to live without my daughters who I love very much, and my only regret is I have six grand children who I have never seen, but I have found that if you look you will finde people that have it a damb sit harder than you, so I am luckie in that I can quirtly go without hurting any one

Oh Cliffo. It sounds like you've been through some tough times. It is great that you are fit and get on well with your neighbours. I'm sure that there's no hurry for you to go and that you will be missed when you do!

Fluff.
Thank you for sharing your story with us.

It isn't easy as we move into the role of carers for our parents. Mine had no garden for several years and then, in their eighties, moved to a bungalow with a small garden. You could not stop my father - he loved it. When he came out of hospital on one occasion, having had a kidney removed due to cancer, he made me stop the car on the way home to buy bean plants which he insisted on putting into the ground before stopping for lunch! He absolutely lived every minute of his last 3 years and his garden was an enormous part of that.

Mum, now 91 has had dementia for 15 years or so. She went through some very difficult stages - fear, anger, depression, grief . She's now reached the stage where she doesn't know who she is, let alone who we are, but as long as she has her music to listen to and a regular supply of sweets, she's happy. For her forgetting has, in the end, been a boon.

Keep strong and, don't forget to look after yourself too.

Somehow I could tell that your mum`s garden was once a beautiful place. Anyone who had such lovely stone pots and a sundial obviously took great care of the garden. Isn`t it wonderful that some of her lovliest plants still keep flowering?

Sandra x

Dear Cliffo...so sorry to hear about your daughters & grandchildren...that must be hard for you. My husband's daughter is the same...her mother has turned her against him & he never sees her now. How thoughtlessly adults behave sometimes where children are concerned.
After all you have endured you still have a very unselfish, positive outlook on life...bless you for that.

Claire..so many folk are in the same boat aren't they? Dementia is something everyone has had experience of in some way in someone they know & the symptoms are always the same. Your Dad sounds like a battler...just like mine...he had a bad car crash when he was about to retire & suffered a head injury which brought on early dementia...in those days they didn't know which drugs could help & after he became violent towards my Mum & I he was hospitalised & never returned home.
Now I know what they mean by 'I hope I die before I get old...'

Hi Sandra...sorry...your comment not there when I wrote that lot!

Yes Mum has some good old faithfuls...a lovely beech hedge, vibernum, snowball tree (never knew proper name!), a crab apple tree, honeysuckle, wygelia, russian vine...to name a few!

Lol Fluff, imagine saying your mum laughs like Morticia!! :~)
It is sad when people are no longer able to live at home, but having worked in care of the elderly, sometimes its the safest & kindest option. I think you're doing a great job Fluff, & I DO know how hard it can be!

Hear, hear :~))

I'm finding this blog interesting and saddening at the same time. It highlights the weaknesses and frailties that affect us all as we grow older, and we are all growing older. We all (well most of us) want to live on, but the pressure on carers and services is mounting. Dementia I think is one of the worse ailments and it would appear that things will get worse before it gets better. I'm very fortunate in that I've not had any personal experience of this so I can only imagine haw distressing it must be for siblings of dementia sufferers. I hear on the news that the 'Chemical Cosh' is to be withdrawn, quite right of cause but I fear it will mean more problems for our NHS. What ever the cost it must be met as a society that abandons their fore-bearers is unthinkable. On a lighter note, I do hope that gardening doesn't contribute to the problem. Lol

If it does Heron, then we've all 'had it' ! lol ;~)

Oh no Heron...gardening might bring on a bit of back ache or 'gardener's knees' but I think it helps the mind mightily.

If you can't remember where you put those packets of seeds you bought in the Autumn or the bargain pack of bulbs you picked up in B & Q...it's not the onset of dementia...it's because the cat's sat on them or the mice have carried them off!!

That's the spirit Fluff.

Those cats hide all sorts don't they Fluffy ?? lol ;~)))

Yes & we've got hefty meeses round here! :o)))

Little debbils !!!! lol ;~)))

as I get older my short term memory is rubbish , I could not rember what I had for dinner yesterday ,but that is handy it means that I do not get board with my meals I can enjoy scouse five evenings a week no bother , the only bother is that all though I feal that I don't watch much tv 99% of the time after a minuate in to a filam I realise that I have seen it befor, my hearing is going but some how I hear what I want too, I were reading glasses but miss nothing, the ladye's feal safe with me because of my age '''''''''ha ha, I hate the respect I get because of my age,I allways had to earn respect and still think I should, age has it drawbacks but also it's advantages, and with the wisdom aquired not with age but with experance we see things clearly, that is if you have not gon through life with your eyes closed, I can enjoy things better than ever I did and I can feal other peoples pain, more than my own , I would like the youth with the experance, I could do a lot of good but that was never ment so I am happy being a coffin doger, lol

Awwwww! Cliffo, I think I'd like the youth with the experience too! (NOT A WORD,SUE or FLUFF!! )

Trust YOU !!! LMAO !
Cliffo ...what lovely words. Oh to be able to put an old head on young shoulders ay ?? But it doesn't work that way, does it ? The only way you can go through life is by experiencing it,... with your eyes open :~))

Hee hee! This is true!!

What a lovely blog this is Fluff, its true what has been said about your mums garden, I see beauty, still there, and charm and yes it reminds me of a secret garden.. Love to you all.. <3 <3 <3 .. Dee..

Who was it who said 'youth is wasted on the young'?

Bless you Cliffo...I love the bit about not getting bored with your meals!
You talk a lot of sense you old coffin dodger! ;o)

Thank you YDD...nice to hear from you...love your hearts...<3 >3 >3...Ooo I can do them too!xx

Thanks for clarifying what the <3's were. I was looking at them the wrong way up and thought of another part of the anatomy!

It's a shame we can't turn them the right way up!

Everything's upside down on our side of Goytown Fluff !! <3 <3 ~~~~~~<@ xx

Yep! We're all knocked sideways!! ~~~~~~^~<@
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