First of all I would like to know who 'they' are that have left.

Secondly I would like to know what you said that offended them
(because I don't think you could offend anyone if you tried - I've met you so I know)

Thirdly I wonder who sent you the message regarding this ? and why did they send it to you ?

Oh Stera is this message from the boys? If it isn't I'd flag it to them as I can't think of any time you have been less the courteous when answering questions.

I'd prefer not to say. It was apparently simply because my advice conflicted with theirs. Very sad as it was someone I wouldn't dream of offending - not that I ever intentionally offend anybody. No point in worrying about it now but your support is very much appreciated thank you.

I hope someone looks into this very soon, I always read and value your advice and have never seen one wrong word.

I'd entirely echo Hywel's first and third queries - who's left? And 'people' not 'person'? How many people, exactly? This is nonsense - but then, on the other hand, we all know there are people who find a different opinion from theirs on something to be unbearable or, worse, never let a fact get in the way of their opinion, and take it as a personal insult. No way of dealing with that, because its not your problem, its theirs... Don't lose any sleep over it Steragram - I've found you to be, if anything, more worried than you need to be about being 'offensive', so if the someone who left was the same someone who wrote to you, well, its probably a good thing they've gone. If it was someone else having a go about some invisible person 'who's left', well, that can't even be taken seriously, its just hearsay. Have a drink or a cup of tea and a bit of cake and put it out of your mind;-)

That's really horrible for you Sue . . . what a ridiculous suggestion! Luckily you have LOADS of friends on here who will support you and back you up. It can be really difficult trying to ignore that sort of comment - it's very upsetting - so please accept my heartfelt sympathy and a virtual hug. x

I know you won't say but I am still wondering.

Everyone is entitled to have an opinion, and everyone else is entitled to disagree.

If someone sulks because another person disagrees with them, they are being very childish ...
and maybe the site is better off without them.

That is my opinion !
If someone wants to disagree they can do it, but I am sticking to my opinion :)

Snap. Those kind of people are better off elsewhere. We likes you!

I feel I must lend my support. Sometimes other people will disagree with my opinion but gardening is a joy and for most of the time, people are only too pleased to share their knowledge and experiences with us. Even the top horticultural professionals don't know it all (they may have all the qualifications but not the experience). At the end of the day if members are going to take their gardening comments so seriously that they are prepared to upset others, perhaps it's about time they learned to grow up and give up!

Sometimes my ideas differ from yours, Sue, but so what! We are gardeners and we do things in different ways and, mostly, we are sucessful. That is what it is about. I have never found any of your comments to be disrespectful unlike some that occaisionally appear on this forum. If 'these people' don't like your advice, good riddance. Take Sheila's advice and try to forget it; go a step further than Bamboo's 'cup of tea' and have a wee dram!

Ha ha, Bulbaholic, I did suggest a drink OR a cup of tea - cup of tea would be my choice, but I know its not most people's. And Jimmy, ne'er a truer word was spake, anyone who listens to GQT will know one question often gets three different answers from the panel... Hope you feel better about this by tomorrow, Stera...

I'm amazed, Stera - your posts are always polite and informative, so I can't imagine why anyone would find them offensive and leave. No wonder you're upset. Sending an e-hug and hoping you'll feel better tomorrow.

Oh Fiddlesticks Them! There have been times and continue to be times where my intention of what I have said did not coincide with someones perception....it happens, that's all. In this medium as opposed to a face to face conversation I find it very difficult to determine whether or not the person got my message as I intended it but for someone to say that to you is cruel and for you to take it to heart like that just confirms the regard that we have for you.

I've never had any issues with your replies, Stera!

I've always liked
your input Stera. Don't let one persons comment put you off. Some people are so easily offended if they happen to disagree with you.

There are nice people and there are not nice people...I am of the opinion you are one of the nice people. Always encouraging polite with good gardening knowledge. Sending cyber hugs to you my friend.

Sue, as a fairly newbie I have found you nothing but kind, supportive and always willing to help with what I have found to be good advice. I listen to gardening programmes on radio with the panel disagreeing all the time and they are professionals. So why should this site be any different. For someone to then attack you is disgusting. Since May when I joined this site I have seen nothing other then you support new and old members alike. Another hug from me!!!

Just wondered what this 'person' saw in your remarks that none of us seemed to see! I agree with all the above and send support and virtual hugs x oh and thank you for your never less than kind and supportive comments.

You've got my support too, Stera. That's an awful message to receive just because you didn't agree with someone else's advice. No two people will agree on everything but you've always been polite and extremely helpful and all of us here will vouch for that.

Sadly in today's world there are people who don't like others disagreeing with them and will complain to the 'authorities' on every little thing. I hope this won't make you leave the forum as you would be very much missed.

Don't let the b-----s get you down.

You have my vote Stera for being a kind hearted member of this forum ... I have never known you to give bad comments to anyone on here.

Just forget about it and carry on commenting ... :o))

All the messages on here are very positive about you Stera and I echo them too. you have been very helpful to me - thank you.

Stera- you have my support and I hope you will continue to respond to questions, give advice, suggestions and share your experiences with all of us. :)

I can't believe that someone has taken offence at your always well explained advice. I check in here most days so do read many comments and you strike me as a lovely member, always generous when it comes to sharing your knowledge and I am grateful for your input.

Ignore the mean-spirited so and so and take heart from the above comments. You are a gracious lady Stera and don't deserve such upset.

Folks you bring tears to my eyes. What wonderful kind people you are. I can't begin to tell you what this means to me. It was worth getting the message just to have the pleasure of reading your support!
(And Bulba, when you disagree with me you are always right in my experience...)

Tea tips and tipple tips noted
:))

So glad the messages have cheered you up Stera. The majority on here are lovely people who get along just fine.

While on the subject if lovely people....I have been wondering if anyone has heard off Terratoonie she hasn't posted for ages.

I asked this too a few weeks ago. Someone - sorry can't recall who- said she is still posting on another garden site but has her hands full doing some essential work on her garden boundary. I miss her too. I hope her robin will encourage her while she works!

Oh dear Stera
Nothing more funnier than folk? I find it hard to believe that someone can ask a question, and then be offended by an answer????
This site is a great source of well intentioned information, to which I think no member would intentionally cause offense, so if possible just ignore the past and continue to share your valuable experience with us lesser mortals
Remember Trolls live under bridges, where there are no gardens! ;})

Lol Kev, that's witty!

Stera I have known you a long time through these pages and it beggars belief that anyone could find any of your comments anything other than helpful and always polite, now I think everyone on this thread recognizes each other and most of us have been around a very long time, if anyone could be accused of being anything other than polite it most definitely would not be you, don't let it upset you Stera, you most certainly have my support all the way..I am with Hywel on this one but know you probably won't say..
I have tried messaging Terra via Facebook but she hasn't responded so don't know what is happening, I too miss her, she was the first person I got to know on here all those years back....

Steragram, if people feel that way then good riddance, a bit childish though. I've had good advice on here from everyone including you. Most I took and some I didn't. We all live in different parts of the country with different climates so sometimes it's never going to be right for "you". I'm a great believer in "stuff happens, deal with it then move on". Whoever it is/was really isn't worth worrying about. We all have our own opinions and ideas re gardening, that's what makes us individuals and it's helpful to have other people's input but there's nobody twisting our arm to take that advice. Ignore the gossip, chin up and carry on doing what you've been doing.

I can only echo the above sentiments stera. At the end of the day people who don't want to take advice wont in any circumstances. And just remember the plants don't read the books either!
ps the Stipa are doing well too.

Glad the Stipa are settling in. they are generous with their seeds so you should have plenty in a year or two!

Just for the record, the question in question(!) wasn't asked by the complainer in the first place...

I haven't been on for a while so may have missed your 'controversial' remark! Not that the majority of people would have probably noticed, if anyone is touchy enough to take umbrage if your view is different to theirs, they don't belong on here.
I have always found your remarks helpful and polite and if you disagree with someone, you say so in a 'nice' way and not implying that you and only you are right!
We all need help sometimes and differing opinions are helpful, one would think, trial and error only helps us learn more.
Don't ever let a shallow minded person upset you, the rest of us are standing firmly behind you.

Thanks Honeysuckle!

I find the women in particular seem to gang up here and can be very bossy and self righteous some who have lots of time on their hands like to answer nearly every question even if they don't know anything about it they will pick out some other perceived problem in your photo that they can tell you off about. Do i really have to mark every question i ask "For those who have grown this plant only not guessers"

Blimey, Hywel, I, probably like every other woman on the site, am now sitting here thinking does he mean me?..... you don't need to answer that!;-))

I'm not sure that's entirely fair either - I've had trouble with men and women on the site over the years, and men gang up too...

I think Bamboo means Youngalistair, but I'm getting wary about joining in . . .

No, not at all, Sheilabub, never had any trouble with Youngalistair... there are two males who spring to mind, but neither is present, or at least not active, on the site any more

Ok Bamboo - sorry. And as soon as I said that my computer stopped working! (but the previous remark was about ganging up . . . so it's VERY easy to misunderstand things occasionally on this website!)

Very easy to make assumptions too - I tend not to take offence unless the offender is persistently unpleasant, everyone has off days after all, and now I think about it, I can add another male to the list, but I've been a member here for 9 years, so that's not many in all that time. Admittedly, I do make allowance for the fact my perceived brusqueness/bluntness (concise in my estimation but there you go) can ruffle feathers at times.

I'd rather have somebody who says what they mean than a person who pussyfoots around and daren't take any risks even in the cause of being helpful. If you can trust somebody to be transparent and honest you know where you are, and you don't have to wonder "what did they really mean...".
If you can see an inexperienced gardener about to make a mistake that could cost them a years work or a dead plant or two isn't it a kindness to let them know even if that wasn't the main point of their question??

Totally agree Stera... however some folk can be very touchy I've discovered. I don't see any point in sugar coating a statement if it is what I feel the person asking the question needs to hear. Yup I've offended folk and yup I had a pm from one member asking me not to comment on his posts - and I never have since then!

Ah, MG I had one of those little missives a little while back,I bet it was the same person - I haven't done it since either.... and was never likely too by then anyway.

To each his, or her, own! When you look at the answers to a lot of the questions they give very differing advice... each piece of advice is based on the members experiences of a particular plant/shrub. We won't and can't all have the same ideas and suggestions and a lot depends on where we live. I tend to era on the side of caution given our weather, you are in the SE of England and that makes a huge difference - if folk actually told us where they lived it would make life easier!

Anyway I think this has been done to death - Stera we all love you and don't give a hoot that some misogynistic soul doesn't like your comments - remember when Clifford was on GoY and the chaos he cause with his comments :)

LOl, I didn't know what I was starting! I hope all this has cleared the air anyway.

I don't know what the original cause of all this was in the first place but have you all noticed that there has been more activity on here since Stera placed her comment than there has been for a very long time, hello everybody its so good to see all of you, there have been times when I thought we were losing touch.....