SNOW!!!
By rose1949
25 comments
First and foremost I apolojise to Gattina and hopes she sees the funny side of this as she is getting the worst of it.
This was a story sent to us by our Scottish friends and I also apolojise for the nearly swear words.
THE DIARY OF AN ENGLISHMAN WHO RECENTLY MOVED TO THE SCOTTISH HIGHLANDS.
Our first winter Dec.20th , its starting to snow. The first of the season and the first we’ve seen for years. The wife and I took out our hot toddies and sat on the porch watching the fluffy soft flakes drift gently down clinging to the trees and covering the ground. Its so beautiful and peaceful.
Dec. 24th, we awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white glistening snow covering as far as the eye could see. What a fantastic sight , every tree and bush covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shovelled snow for the first time ever and loved it. I did both our driveway and the pavement. Later that day a snowplough came along and accidently covered our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved . I waved back and shovelled it away again. The children next door built a snowman with coal for eyes and a carrot for a nose, and had a snowball fight , a couple just missed me and hit the car so I threw a couple back and joined in their fun.
Dec. 26th, it snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature dropped to around minus 8 degrees. Several branches on our trees and bushes snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shovelled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snowplough came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now a brownish – grey.
Jan. 1st, warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tyres for both our cars £500. Fell on my arse in the driveway. £100 to a physio but nothing was broken.
Jan. 5th, still cold. Sold the wife’s car and bought her a 4×4 to get her to work. She slid into a wall and did considerable damage to the right wing -£2000. Had another 8 inches of white jobby last night. Both vehicles are covered in salt and iced up slush. That Rooney snowplough came by twice today. Where’s that blinking shovel!
Jan. 9th, more f…..gsnow. Not a tree or bush on our property that hasn’t been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a paraffin heater which tipped over and nearly torched the house. I managed to put the flames out but suffered 2nd degree burns on my hands. Lost all my eyebrows and eyelashes. Car hit a f…..gdeer on the way to casualty and was written off.
Jan. 13th F…..g b…..d white jobby just keeps coming down. Have to put on every article of clothing just to go to the postbox. The little b…..s next door ambushed be with snowballs on the way back – I’ll shove that carrot so far up the little tadgers arse , it’ll take a good surgeon 6 hours to find it. If I ever catch the bumhole that drives the snowplough , I’ll chew open his chest and rip out his heart with my teeth. I think the b…..d hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling and then accelerates down the street like Michael " f…..g" Schumacher and buries the f…..g driveway again.
Jan. 17th, 16 more sodding inches of f…..g snow and f…..g ice and f…..g sleet and God knows what other white jobby fell last night. I am in court in 3 months time for assaulting the snowplough driver with an ice – pick. Can’t move my f…..g toes. Haven’t seen the sun for 5 weeks. Minus 20 and more f…..g snow forecast!
F..K THIS I’M MOVING BACK TO LONDON !!!
6 Feb, 2012
13 likes
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Comments
I laughed so much I cried! Thanks Rose, this is brilliant!
6 Feb, 2012
brilliant!.... and sort of strikes a chord....
6 Feb, 2012
That's really funny. :o)))
6 Feb, 2012
Are you sure they're tears, Libet? I'm afraid this is just too true to be funny, Rose, but I've laughed enough to give myself hiccups, anyway.
Brilliant. We have some relatives who moved from Kent up to Scotland, and we don't hear from them very much - probably trying to keep warm! I've just been up to see the neighbours and swapped horror stories. She says she can't bear for it to last another week - if she runs out of loo paper she'll top herself. (Nah, she never would - who'd feed the cows?) Met other, pessimistic neighbour on my way home who says this is set to last for the rest of the month at the very least. Think I'll move to Scotland.
6 Feb, 2012
Brilliant - really funny!
6 Feb, 2012
Lol! Gattina...Now you mention it....!!
6 Feb, 2012
I'm glad you saw the funny side Gattina . I thought I would lighten the mood a little .We were snowed in for a month last year because of where we live and so this year stocked up enough food to feed an army! Pleased to say we didn't need it....YET!
6 Feb, 2012
Everyone welcome north of the border, but get here quick before Alex takes over! lol...what a laugh! Still no snow here...
6 Feb, 2012
Oh dear ....... I feel positively guilty feeling the early morning sun on my shoulders, spilling in through the window as I am typing this. Perhaps I should move to Scotland? My paternal grandmother was born & raised in Stirling .... is this why she immigrated to New Zealand as a young woman? Phew ....... I'm never going to complain about our winter again. (secretly ...... first thing I looked at when I switched on the comp & was laughing all the way through it, but I know from friends living in the South Island, where they get very heavy snow which can trap them indoors without electricity for days on end, that it isn't all that much fun when one is living through it).
6 Feb, 2012
lol that was funny :D ... yes I hate it too :o))
there's none here :o)
6 Feb, 2012
Brilliant Rose..laughed all the way through..:o) I can just picture it...Sorry to rub it in,but the little snow we had,..all gone by teatime yesterday..no overnight frost,and a lovely sunny calm day,today...so very lucky, after a lot of you have it so bad..hope it all clears for you soon..
6 Feb, 2012
I'm glad you all enjoyed it. A smile a day e.t.c.
6 Feb, 2012
Thats really funny, thankyou Rose...
6 Feb, 2012
A real belly laugh Rose, thanks.
6 Feb, 2012
Laughed my a** off Rose! Welcome to what is usually my world :)
6 Feb, 2012
I'm sitting at work reading this....everyone is wondering what I'm laughing at :))). Will have to share it now.
7 Feb, 2012
A great laugh! Don't know why .... it's not really funny when you live through it, but the tears of laughter are dripping off my nose and into the keyboard!
7 Feb, 2012
Thanks for this Rose....laughed out loud, hilarious...face won't stop grinning. I wonder who wrote that?:-))))
7 Feb, 2012
Its better to laugh than worry. Glad you all enjoyed it. I didn't expect to get this many comments. Thankyou for taking the time to reply. Just one thing Scottish, how come you are reading this instead of working! lol.
7 Feb, 2012
Absolutely hilarious, I can just picture it. Sure its not so funny to live through but to read.... Thanks for sharing Rose.
7 Feb, 2012
It's called 'down time' Rose. Plane was late just waiting on it landing to unload it and get all the letters and parcels on their way for delivery.
7 Feb, 2012
Your welcome, Samjp. So what is it you do Scottish? It sounds like an interesting job.
8 Feb, 2012
Your welcome Samjp. What is it you do Scottish, it sounds like a really interesting job.
8 Feb, 2012
Do you know what, I've tried 3 times to delete one of these answers as it doubled up on one and it just won't have it. Any ideas anyone?
8 Feb, 2012
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Oh! for dear's sake! The tears are running down my leg!! Did this actually happen, Rose!? That's so funny... tehe!
6 Feb, 2012