Life's a Bitch at Times...

Lincs I am so sorry to hear your news. I spoke to my big sister for the last time on the 26th of August. Last Friday we celebrated her life in a very moving service. She had been reasonably well but fell the morning after I spoke with her. She broke her hip. She had suffered and survived several strokes and heart attacks and had been warned that she would never survive a general anaesthetic. However after lots of tests the surgeon told her she had to make the choice between having an op or spending the rest of her life in a wheelchair if she was lucky or in bed if she was not. She opted for the operation and came through it well but 36 hours later on the 30th of August she fell asleep and did not wake up again. The funeral had to be delayed to allow close family to come but it gave us time to think of all the good times we had had and all that she had achieved in her eighty one years on earth. I am still at the stage of thinking I must tell her something that has happened and then I remember I cannot so it goes up in a prayer instead. In the last five years she lost both her sons to cancer although neither smoked or was involved in anything that might have triggered it. There is no way of knowing the answer to our question why? Just live one day at a time and you will find you can be strong together as a family. You have been very close as sisters and you will know how to cope to help give her comfort and strength over the coming months. Maybe you will need to cry with her but that is not weakness it is empathy and she will benefit from knowing that you can both be honest and share how you are feeling. You will be there for one another as you have been when growing up, getting married, having children and you will both have many happy memories to sustain you. Lots of love and a big hug

Sorry to hear that. I suppose constant optimism & gratitude for what we've got is all we can rely on when things come out of the blue like this?
I've been having some breathing problems lately & have tests lined up. I've been feeling slightly better each day though so fingers crossed...

Life really does shit on us sometimes doesn't it Sue, right out of the blue and for no reason at all … I know how the eldest child always feels responsible for the younger ones and I understand how shocked and devastated you must be xxx

That is so so hard for you, Sue. Devastating when such a horrible disease hits so suddenly . . . I do understand how desperately sad you are feeling, and hope that you will have a few more precious months with your beloved sister. Sending a hug. x

We are so sorry to hear this ,our hearts and thoughts are with you at this awful time .Hugs to you all xxx

I am sorry to hear of your news. My thought are with you.

Thank you for sharing your devastating news, all our thoughts and sympathy are with you and yours, sending all our wishes for strength through this ghastly, unfair time.

So sorry to hear your dreadful news my thoughts are with you. Denise xx

Sue, truly shocking news for you all. Thinking of you ... stay strong.

I am so very sorry to read about how very poorly your sister is.
I shall be thinking of you both and send my love.

I'm so sorry to hear your devastating news Sue , so totally out if the blue like that ,what a shock ..Our thoughts are with you , lots of love and a big hug xx

Hi Sue, I am so sorry to hear your news, so soon after having your own problems, my thoughts are with you both, Derek.
Scotsgran, my late wife was the eldest child, with 2 younger brothers, the youngest brother died first, and about 14 months later, her other brother died, and 13 months after that my wife died, they died in the exact opposite order in which they were born, so she knew how you feel, she always felt responsible for them as well, Derek.

I have tears rolling down my cheeks as I write this. Having lost my father to cancer very quickly I had the same question- but why him? He was fit as a fiddle. No words can express the pain you’re feeling and the shock you’ve had. Thinking of you and your family and during this emotional roller coaster of a journey.

I'm greatly saddened to learn of your little sister's condition. It is very heartbreaking. I will keep her and you in my prayers Lin.

What more can I say?
Continue to make good memories with your sister. You will both benefit from that. As a family we did this with my dad and over the years we have had many a happy time reminiscing of his last few months. love and hugs to you.

Seaburngirl is right, it will be hard, but try to spend the time as happily as you can with your sister, so that you have even more good memories.

Thank you for reminding us all, to appreciate and enjoy every moment, sympathy and good wishes for the strength to get you through.

Thankyou all for your kind words, Cathy has now been moved to a bay in the ward, is on oxygen all the time, looks surprisingly well considering what is going on, the stent in her airways is helping her tremendously with her breathing and the lump below her ribcage has gone, they are draining her lung constantly, has even started having a moan about the physio exercises she has to do three times a day, now that proves she is feeling a lot better, don't yet know when they will operate again but they have told her she will be having one, think we are awaiting what they find from the biopsy they were able to do ...

It is lovely to hear you being so positive Lincs. It sounds as if your sister is being positive too. The drain from her lung and the oxygen will help her to gain back some of her strength. Hopefully as she begins the journey and learns more about how it will affect her you can all look forward without the awful fear the 'C' word brings. Lots of love and a big hug.
Thank you Derek.

I know exactly how you are feeling, my wife got diagnosed with cancer two and a half years ago, same she has never smoked, exercised regularly drank and eat the right things, but was given a diagnoses of stage 4 metastatic cancer of the unknown primary. It is a terminal diagnoses but Kim has been through over 35 cycles of chemotherapy, whole brain radiotherapy after they found she had metastasis in the brain and she is still going on. All I can say is stay positive and never give up. I wish you and your family all the best for the future. I have wrote a blog on my website, davids-photolife.com/oncology just to share and hopefully help people with our experience over the last two years.
bst rgds David

Thankyou all, sadly my sister has relapsed very quickly, having problems swallowing now, the doctors say we are looking at weeks not the year we were hoping for, there is nothing they can do but wanted her to have another scan, see if there was anything could be done to help her eat and drink normally for as long as possible, even gain a few weeks, however Cathy has refused further treatment, I actually understand her reasoning but her sons don't, they want her to have this scan, not just for her own sake but theirs and the grandchildren, to say its heart breaking and very hard is an understatement, I'm torn between my sister and her sons...

Oh dear, this must be such a difficult time for all of you and it has happened so suddenly.

Your sister's wishes are totally understandable as she has been through such a lot.

I am so very sorry and wish so much that were not all going through this anguish.

Nothing I can say that others have not said already, life really can be a bitch, I'm so sorry. x

Hi Sue, so sad to hear this, it must be heartbreaking for you and her sons, although I can understand her not having further operations, it is amazing how quickly things can change in these situations, my heart goes out to you and all your family, so sorry, Derek.

I am so sorry Sue. I can't imagine what you and your family are going through . Life is just not fair at times , is it!
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I have only just seen this Sue,as we have been away.for a few days..I am so very sorry to read about your much loved sister, Cathy,and my heart goes out to you and your family..Your last comment is so very sad,but how very brave she is,to make the choice that she has..I think a lot of us have experienced the loss of a loved one,taken far too early,reading the above comments,so we can very much appreciate how you are feeling right now..you are very much in my thoughts,and send love and hugs to you all..xx

This is an awful turn around and taken on top of the very recent discovery of her illness is understandably a crushing blow to all of you. I wonder if making a memory book with your help together with your sister would ease some of the pain and leave a lasting legacy that will allow the boys to give her grandchildren the opportunity of knowing her.
You might care to look at this link for ideas.
https://www.cornerstonesforparents.com/memory-book-terminally-ill
At my sisters funeral a lot of memories were revealed and a lot people came up and said how much they appreciated knowing more about her life and how she came to be the remarkable person she was. It is important to her boys that her grandchildren can know her. Maybe this gives them a chance to ensure that they do. It will also help them to be positive and supportive of her decision to refuse further treatment.
Lots of love and hugs Lincs.