A story to Relish (from the American south to a back street in Bangkok i...

Great blog, Stevie. Full marks for ingenuity!
And , eh .... how does it taste?

Hehehe well done! THat will keep you going for the next 5 years? looks yummy! :)

OMG....don't eat it all at once Stevie!

Jerusalem Artichokes have similar side effects as the good ol' Sprout.....

Its the red cabbage that started the trouble.....once had a pack of stirfry veg that had red cabbage in it-- everything turned a dirty grey-- not at all appetising!, your wonerful trick was the red paste.. voila!!
just -- as Scottish says-- go easy with it!!

Stevie that is a great blog, unbelievable amounts ~ were you standing on the chair to take the photo?

Red paste ~ genius stroke and then I started to laugh as the jars multiplied and multiplied.....

It was like the magic porridge pot that wouldnt stop making porridge!!!

You will have to have a relish party now. There is space in the poly tunnel for more relish!!!! and the party!!!

I have whizzed past the comments first in order to say...that that is the funniest blog I have ever read, or else I am still high on morphine!!
into faves to read on any day when I need to remember to laugh because today 2 and a few people on Goy have made me laugh and it's been the best medicine all week! no kidding.

ps can we nominate ultra funny blogs for Goypedia?

had to add to favourites S the T, the verbiage alone cracked me up. As for enthusiasm - - - 100% !!

its on my favourites too

that is a brilliant idea lulu ~ Stevie ~ go to the top of the charts!!!

hehe - I agree - we need a new category on GoY - funny blogs... Are you thinking about starting your own business Stevie - locally made products that will make you laugh? lol. With little stories how you made them instead of boring list of ingredients? lol.
So when is the party? lol

Kasy you are so right! The story will sell it!

Interesting blog. Love the details and particularly love the fact that you show the blunder and then how you slept on it to find the fix.
But pardon my ignorance but what are chokes? I've never seen nor hear of them?

jerusalem artichokes angie ~ just a shortened word that is sometimes used.

Wow ..... A for Effort! So funny .... as we would say on this side of the world "That's a cracker of a story" & "Hope you don't get crook eating your way through it all" LOL. I had to read your blog out to my husband! And then we both had a chuckle. Well done.

the nearest I can find on Goypedia is 'funky garden ideas!!--- maybe it should be FUN!!

Top marks for this one Stevie for content and using your noddle....

What a laugh.....how long do you have to leave it to mature? after all this I hope you like it lol if not your local Christmas Bazaar would love you!!

Well done ! Panic can set in when confronted with an over-full pan . You could set up shop Stevie .

well done stevie, really saved the day there.

Oh dear I think you have a severe case if chutneyitis you might well have to have a relishoptomy it is by far the worse case I have seen... you seem to be in a right old pickle my friend I have heard of this before and seem to remember a doctor who lived in Piccalilly whoops Piccadilly who cured some else of this strange addiction his name was Branston I believe I might still have his number?

love it Nurse Nana!!!!

Lol Sticki he has definitely got it bad:)

Do you think he can cure stevie?

No Sticki once the afflicted start putting thingymajigsdoofers in... there is nothing can do to help our only hope is that he runs out of jars! Mind you he is so far gone he will most probably start putting them in the bath tub:(

Please stop and think ladies. As GoY's self appointed Health 'n' Safety Officer I have flagged this Blog for the precarious use of aerial photography, balancing on a chair over hot Maslin pan. Clearly seen in photograph 16.

Ask yourselves this...How many of our fellow GoYers are likely to replicate these antics after downing a couple of Brandies and a Mothers little helper ?

Absolute lunacy Stevie..Next time use a proper step stool.

Christmas present list for stevie:

Wooden barrel to store chutney
Truckle for pickle
Step stool for safe photos
Etc

Wonder how much chutney it would take to fill a poly tunnel?

Don't give him ideas Sticki!

where is he? hiding in the polytunnel or fallen into the pickle and got pickled?

pimpernel ~ i think its all in a good cause ~ im not a total believer in health and safety myself and on many an occasion have i climbed banks, struggled through muddy fields, lay down on wet boggy ground, stood on stools and tables ~ all to get the photo i wanted!!!

Drowned in a vat of CHUTNEY?

oh no ~ we would miss him too much ~ he makes me laugh. definitely not drowning.

perhaps he has gone searching for a new market for the relish??

Perhaps he ate some.......!!!?

pimpernel ~ what are you saying???? !!!!

Well it is a bit of a mystery Sticki...like an Agatha Christie
Relish maker disappears immediately after publishing popular recipe....was he pushed ? Did he jump ? I think I have found a clue in the text...examine the following

Caption above picture 12.." tum t tum" Was he already feeling dodgy ?

It happened to Clary Grundy in the Archers....Almost wiped out the population of Borchester.

was she the one who poisoned the ice cream?

its the mention of chokes thats worrying me ~ has he been choking??

No no he hasn't been choking that was Arti I think he has just gone out to buy some more jars thing that is worrying me is come xmas he won't have room in the larder for anything to go with the relishes!!!!!!!!!!!!

very true but stevie is alive and well, he has popped up on another blog!!

so the polytunnel will have to be the larder???

Thanks everyone, wow 17 likes, get in there ; )
lol Pixi well 5yrs or about 300 hotdogs whichever is the sooner and i dont have enough friends for that BBQ Scottish : )
Yes Pimp, I can confirm that, had a couple with dinner and it was like blazing saddles in here ; )
Yep Pamg I wasn't thinking when I bought the red cabbage,
DD2 it says about 3 weeks but all the stuff is for xmas evening but maybe the relish will be for a boxing day hotdog.
Sticki yep lol I had to stand on a chair just to give the perspective of just how massive a cock up this was : ) I should have literally put my foot in it to demonstrate that.
Kasy there is a chutney maker locally so I might give them a ring and then set up my own, let the chutney wars begin,
Wow, Dwyllis, I feel kind of famous to think someone is reading my blog out loud to their husband on the other side of the world, here love listen to this idiot hehe
You say that NanaD but I have a great uncle called 'Picadilly' somewhere in the family tree, does that count?
Pimp, yes sorry about the health n safety, but surely you cant be mindful of such things if you have lost your mind, no?

and thanks everyone else,
and glad it made you laugh Lulu (although sorry if that made it more painful)

I can confirm that rumours of my chutney/relish related death are highly exaggerated, although in theory I could drown in that amount of relish

hmmm foot in chutney???

would that make a good label?

Shame you don't live in Putney Stevie we could have done a nice limerick:)

There was a young man from Monmouthshire
Who artichokes crammed in a jar.

he stayed very cool
and stood on a stool
with no wobbling and no sign of fear???

lol..Way to go...

;-)

next verse pimpernel?? havent you got to get up early tomorrow??

A Limerick with two verses ? Unheard of!!

My kind of cooking - get some stuff, lob it in, taste it, tweak it and then eat it (or bin it)!!!

A Young man called Stevie The Terrible
Made chutneys that were unusually variable.
He piled in ingredients
And stirred it with reverence
And preyed it wasn't too 'orrible!

excellent lulu

thats better Lulu..(o) (o) (o)= hugs

Ha ha love that Lulu :)

Love to you all , you've given me a good laugh tonight !

Liking the 'young man' : ) good job people

no verse from you stevie??

I dont think i can beat Lulus splendid verse
but (with a bit of license) how about

There was a young (acting) man making chutney
who disapointingly, brandwise, didnt hail from Putney
But his latest dream was to make relish to be fair
so much in fact he had to stand on a chair
and ignore altogether elf n saftney ; )

now how to combine creativity with vegetables
while the amount he made wouldn't even fit on his tables
an arty bloke, with much artichokes
I know I call it 'Arty Blokes Chokes'
like some 19th century shop with green gables ; )

The american dream called him to a redneck flavour
But a dream about a Thai girl gave him thought to savor
when cabbage caused yellow to be red
he awoke from his bed
and the thai red curry paste was his saviour

Fabulous!!
The chutney making king turned poet!

I posted this near MIDNIGHT!!!!!!!! sticki, so noone would notice today hehe, except.......

Except I was still awake!

and so was I...Morning Stiki

its afternoon now ~ sorry to have missed your greeting pimpernel!! i left at 5.25, went to work, been to the gym but pool was noisy [full of badly behaved children] and just got home.

i still think you owe stevie one whole verse pimpernel ~ he has worked very hard and made a brilliant poem.

there once was a lad who made chutney
which he sold from his boat down at putney.
'Come get it here' he did yell
from his boat then he fell
and the river sent it all back upcountry!
(sorry, a bit lame!)

i liked it lulu, you are good at these, how are you feeling now?

surely we could do something with pickle, tickle, fickle??
....and what would rhyme with relish????

A Momouthshire young man liked to embellish
So spicey ingredients he added to his relish
Special artichokes where then grown
And into the pot they were thrown
And the after effects were quite hellish

Sorry best I could come up with:)

Heh, heh, heh Nana, excellent!
Feeling better except for infection and sodding ringworm on the end of my nose (don't you dare laugh)

Oh no not the dreaded ringworm that I didn't end up having! not laughing cos I went to the consultants last night and I have not got Lichen Planus (which I quite liked the sound of:)) but more than likely psoriasis...so another lot of different lotions and potions and hope that helps I have it on my forehead (luckily I have a fringe) but also have one on my cheek and on the side of my face as well as everywhere else:( Who have you got standing in for your exhibition?? Still slogging away at little Crystal my daughters american bulldog lol doing the background tonight! Take care Lulu and glad my limmerick make you laugh:)x

they might not let me into the hospital Nana!!!

Stevie the man who loves chutney
and does not yearn to live in Putney
has caused quite a stir
(& some eyes to blur)
with his wanton, outrageous gluttony.

Oh stop it you two...I've got Psoriasis on the tip of my nose....at least we look festive Lulu.

stevie you are an inspiration!!!! look at all the poetry!!

I also cant help thinking that rubbing a bit of relish on might treat some of this stuff : ) if it did I would be minted : )

Chutneyvate mmmm I could see that could be a brand name:) and Stevie don't even start with the mint!

you could be onto something there stevie!!

mint chutney or mint choc chip???

Asian Mint and Coconut Chutney (ish)

2 0z Fresh mint leaves
6 tbsp unsweetened shredded Coconut (desiccated Ok)
1 tbsp sesame seeds
1/4 tsp salt
6 fl 0z Plain yoghurt

Chop the mint finely bung, it all in a blender until smooth
pop it in a jar and chill.

Will last for a week.

now that sounds very nice, i fancy making that ~ thanks Pim.

served with ~ any curry??? and maybe coconut rice???

i love coconut.

Got plenty more Sticki...

yes please ~ if stevie doesnt mind.

Lol ..Goy really should have a Chutney section...Have you ever made japanese pickles Stiki...? Google Tsukemono
they have a pickle with nearly every meal.

love a bit of Japanese : )

If I could get hold of fresh Burdock "Gobo" I would be a very happy chap. It has to be dug up in the first year before flowering.

Willing to try anything mate.
Toothache now as well.
Severe sense of humour loss...........

Japanese anyday.

aha Goyers Xmas meal is sorted sushi and Japanese theme : )

stay strong Lulu

oh lulu ~ it never rains but it pours, hope you have some good painkillers, cloves are supposed to help too??
i hope it will be sorted out really soon.

like this pimpernel
"In Japan, tsukemono or pickles are used as hashi-yasume, literally “chopstick resters”, side dishes that have a totally different texture and flavor. So for instance if you had some grilled meat with a sweet-savory sauce as the main course, you might have some simple, crunchy pickled cucumber slices to go with it."

never made or eaten it, but that crunchy pickled cucumber sounds good ~ i think rick stein did something similar, cucumber, vinegar of some sort and then salt.??

will there be a pudding stevie?

Course there will be pudding jam and marmite victoria sponge lol !

all mixed up ????
i love marmite ~ but never tried it with jam ~ or sponge??

1x tin of baked beans with a tablespoon of marmite melted in. Slop onto toast and grate cheese over. Comfort food!

Marmite and salad sandwich!!
Marmite n cheese, marmite everytime!
Am about to go get allergy tested, bet yeast is on the list, if it is, no more marmite for moi, or tea, coffee, bread and gawd knows what else!!

Lulu - does that mean that you'll have to cross over to the "dark side" - Vegemite!!!!!

i like the cheese on top of the beans ~ takes away the beans taste!! happy to try the marmite too

hope they sort it out lulu

how about on the news the other day that the M1 was closed because a load of Marmite was spread over the road.... I think its true.....yes 20 tons, so says 'google', what a waste of good marmite although just imagine ....!

Lulu you sound really run down, I do hope you feel better soon x

The marmite motorway!!

Love it . Weaned on it in Burton-on-Trent , it's made with the residue from the beer [that's in the weaning pack too !]
Sandwich -spread sets it off a treat .
Lulu , get well soon ! Have you considered a homeopath for your varied symptoms ? They might be helpful .
Best wishes for next week .

Vegemite for me everytime. Hate the taste of marmite ..... so .... vegemite with jam on the Victoria Sponge??? Sounds as if we are playing the food version of Cluedo lol

I hope you lot are not suggesting I could block a motorway with my relish!!! : /

must have been a tough one, people in their cars saying 'I hate traffic jams but I love marmite' would have been the cherry on cake if a bread van had driven into it

SMS:)

LoL Stevie! Yep, you have enough chutney to make the M1 an easy slide!
As for Vegemite, I think not!
Driad, am off to see a Kinesiologist/nutritionist!!! So that's muscle testing against food allergies/intolerance and she will also be able to test what foods would make me prone to kidney stones (these present ones are my 24th stone) Could have made a necklace out of them by now!)

oooh I do like your necklace there dear, yes I sourced my own materials and made it myself!!
I think I have the answer Lulu, with my relish your kidney would be too confused to make any stones : )

Maybe if I added a bit more salt it would melt snow, i'll get onto the council!

grit man, not salt!!

drat, I knew I should have left all the dirt on the chokes

extra crunchy chutney!

i like it to have a bit of bite!!

OMG! Just found this blog. It's hilarious. Speaking as a fairly cautious chutney-maker, I think almost everything mellows and changes and improves with time. I reckon if you can manage to keep this about a year, you could sell the results to NASA.

Hello Nasa!!! Yes Stevie here, I've been working for years and I have finally found the perfect coating for the underside of the Shuttle. In exchange I'd only like a one way trip to the moon ok?, What do you mean you cancelled the shuttle!! hello hello, ummm he hung up.

Bit lonely up there Stevie, unless the Clangers are still there?

I think they're the ones that gave me the recipe Lulu, either that or those sounds are in my head, they asked me to come and meet them you see ; )

I'm surprised they are not camped out in your poly tunnel but maybe they are?

Well, your stuff sounds a hell of a lot nicer than the Soup Dragon's blue string soup! Not surprised they made contact. And waddya mean, coating for the Shuttle?? I meant as FUEL.

ah!! you mean as in 'Challenger' and not 'Columbia' Gattina ; /

ah yes its small clanger, hey thats my pot
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGH1z-f2YFc&feature=related

Do stop , you lot ! I'm supposed to be cooking supper .
Could serve up some chutney [beetroot ] and Marmite , worth a try .

how about peanut butter and marmite-- or 'spaceship'chutney......

That might be a right 'clanger' Pamg!!

How about clangers & bangers with that chutney? (no marmite please)

Does Vegemite taste that different Dwyllis ? I was going to say I will have to try some, but Marmite is spot on. I melt butter and stir in marmite then spread it on toast Mmmm.

All this talk of Marmite is making me feel quite queasy. Does anyone (just the oldies) out there remember something called "Virol"? My Granny used to give it to me in a spoon - it was supposed to be good for you, but I still loved it and used to sneak into the pantry with a spoon to steal it.

Oh Pimp, that IS decadent!! Vegemite does taste different, very!
Never heard of Virol!!

neither have I but I used to love codliveroil and malt-- really sticky.....

I thought I remembered liking cod liver oil and malt, bought some a while back and didn't!!

funny how tastes change... although I still love chocolate.....

and I still like Marmite but not peanut butter and marmalade sandwiches, used to loathe broad beans, love them now!

well, hmmm - I have to make a confession - but please don't laugh (too loud, lol).
As you know I am not frrrrom this countrrrrry - so have to admit - have neverrrr trrrried a Marrrrmite... How bad is that??? lol.
It's my 6th year in this countrrry - and I am so behind with trrrrying trrraditional English food. Like a lot of things, tried some - didn't like it - but there is so much more for me to taste, lol.

fish and chips Kasy! Bread and butter pudding, good old Sunday roast............. I would give Marmite a miss if I were you, have never known people like it except for a few Brits!!

Gattina , do I remember Virol ? Used to love it , I think that it was for "war-babies" . It became known as Vile by Fifties babies in our area . It was scrumcious ! Boots used to do a version of it until recently , it might be worth tracking down .

Were there two different types of Virol ? I have got some empty Victorian Virol jars. It was a bone marrow based spread. I think the more modern version was cod liver oil and malt.

The one I remember was brown and sticky sweet and malty. Fairly sure it didn't contain cod liver oil or bone marrow - my radar system would have picked up on that!

I think they snook cod liver oil past you Gattina..This is the older version though.

http://www.gracesguide.co.uk/File:Im20100529Ed-Virol.jpg